Love totally wins.

I am the farthest thing from a competitive person.  I usually don't even pay attention to who wins, much less who is competing. 

However, I do pay tribute to the belief that love totally wins.  For one, what enemy does love have?  And if there was such a thing, does it ever win? 

Regarding relationships..which face it, are at the core of all things in life...all other attempts outside of love will eventually fail.  

For example...

If you're living up a time of great success in your life, you may get initial celebrations, but most people will end up resenting you because you're actually doing something that they have only wished they had done.  The people who stand by you and believe that even this great success is just the beginning of what you will accomplish, really love you.

If you're going through a time of darkness in your life, you may initially be comforted and encouraged by your friends, but people will end up not calling you to hang out because who likes to be around a bump on a log?  The people who show up at your doorstep to cry with you, or go the extra mile to help you remember that this difficult time is real and it hurts, but it's not going to last forever.....the ones who will gently remind you that this time will most definitely build character, but it won't ever define you, really love you. 

If you're feeling unusually good about yourself, finding that you're fitting into clothes from the skinny days and happen to land upon a great hairdo, just like with the time of success, people will only tolerate it so much before they start not wanting to be around you because it only makes them feel worse about themselves.  The people who unselfishly don't compare, or make you drop and give 'em 20 after you've indulged the double chocolate molten souffle, really love you. 

And finally, if you've given up hope of ever fitting back into those skinny clothes which are now shoved deep into the depths of your closet, you don't know the last time you actually had a haircut, and something is making your skin break out, you're probably not feeling good about yourself and once again, no one wants to be around the downer.  The people who remind you that one's true beauty is on the inside, and for that you'll always be drop dead gorgeous, really love you. 

So, what.  You can't win.  Being good looking and successful won't bring relationship victory, and depression and dark times won't buy you company.  Yet, who wants to settle for mediocre?  Who wants to stay within the lines of success and failure, self worth and insecurity.  The truth is that we all go through bouts of success and valleys.  Sometimes we gain friends at the peaks, and lose friends at the bottom...or vice versa...but the relationships that will stand the test of time are the ones who operate from pure radiant love....well, most of the time, because hey, we are not all perfect and sometimes just feel like riding out a funk.

Love isn't easy, and it's not pain free. 

It's something that we all have inside of us.

It stands for what's right, not who's right.

The more pain that is felt, the deeper the capacity to love.

Love doesn't bash or blame.

Love gives even when it's hurt.

Love sees no boundaries- not race, nor region, nor age, nor religion.

Love craves love.

Love has no enemies.

Love can't be destroyed, because it will grow again.

Love gives even when it doesn't know the recipient.

Love is immeasurable, unending and absolute.

Love is in large groups and love is in a group of two.

Love can be goofy and love can be tough.

Love is uninhibited and free. 

Love is nothing short of fierce.  

Love doesn't strive to be perfect, it just strives to be.
Love is in the moment, but it lasts a lifetime.
Love doesn't need an invitation.
Love apmlifies in adversity, and grows stagnant in contentment. 

Love is the easiest thing you can ever let happen, 
but the hardest #%@^ thing you'll ever do. 

And the cool thing about love is that when you give love, it's easier to recognize love.  Because love is as love does, lovers attract lovers.  Look at the people closest to you in life.  Are they lovers?  

Love stands for falling.  It allows itself to let go, fall head over heals and hold nothing back, all the while expecting nothing in return.  Take a stand and show someone you love them today.  

"The course of true love never did run smooth."

 -William Shakespeare

Tell me what love means to you.  

xo.

 

falling

as an equinox baby, i'm well aware that fall doesn't officially begin until the 22st of this month, but i am already falling.  

at least in my mind.

i'm pretending it's already fall.  pretending the air is already crisp, the windows are open and the curtains are blowing in the breeze.  ok, so i don't have curtains...i'm pretending that part, too.  (but i totally have plans...and fabric...to make them...so that counts a little.)

when you pretend that it's already fall and that there's a chill in the air, the slightest cloud cover is enough inspiration to cook all day in the kitchen in order to make the most glorious batch of butternut crab soup you've ever made.    


i'm falling.

falling deeper in love with familiar people and things in my life and falling in brand spankin' new love with recently made friends and otherwise unfavorable things. 

developing within me is a deeper appreciation for home cooked simple meals...and the process it takes to achieve that.  i'm falling into the habit of grabbing any nearby writing utensil....be it a pen, a marker, a crayon or a keyboard.  my hands are on it and words are being written....words that are falling from my mind, practically.  

i'm falling deeper in love with the most loveliest people and family in my life...my husband, my children, my friends both five minutes away and five hours on a plane away.  if you are talking to me, texting me, or sending smoke signals my way....i'm listening like i've never listened before.  i'm falling in love with your words. 

speaking of words...i'm falling in love with the new music i'm finding on pandora....and even purchasing enough of it to make a darn good mixed cd for friends.  

and what's not to love about new love?  two nieces were born this week, and a nephew is on his way next month...my first nephew, that is.

that's some brand spankin' new love.  

next month, a sister joins the family when she marries my husband's brother.  new love.  and born through multiple layers of technology is a soul mate of mine in Australia....er, i mean 'Straya.  i've always known part of my heart was there.  always.  and now that  i've found it,  i'm falling into new depths of my heart.

as far as those unfavorable things?  yes.  i'm falling captive to the look of freshly folded towels....even if they're on the back of my sofa.  my kids have begun to excitedly offer their assistance in folding the laundry, and so a mundane chore falls into a fun morning activity by turning up the music, and turning off the cares.   

i'm falling in love with new things tucked in the grocery isles because my kids now express their opinions as to what goes in our shopping cart.  their opinions are like sweet music to my ears.  i'm falling in love with their minds. 

i'm also falling back in step with jogs around my neighborhood.  as one who doesn't like to exercise...much less sweat...each step made is a complete surrender to the fact that life after thirty...ahem...five...comes with a rapidly falling metabolism.  

i'm falling.  

i'm falling away from the person i used to be.  as layers of life build upon my skin, my seasoning is changing.  like a cast iron skillet, i've become weathered and some things don't stick as easily.  i don't get as hung up on the little things that used to irritate me, and at the same time,  my heart is spilling out more clairvoyantly than ever before.  i enjoy each moment, and don't worry about the next.... i'll find a way to enjoy that one, too.  

i'm falling more towards being the person i want to be rather that the person the world wants me to be....even if that involves some mix-matched outfits and cowboy boots.  


i'm falling. 

into a new chapter of life.....and loving the new freedom of this fall.  freedom to enjoy my daughter one on one for the first time in her three and a half years of life.  freedom to have a place for my words to fall when my mind gets full, and materials for which my hands to fall upon when my inner creativity awakens. 

and yes, of course i'm falling behind on my laundry, my to-do's and my house cleaning.  but when you let go, those things eventually fall in place, too.   

 “Sometimes it takes a good fall 

                                    to really know where you stand."           

                       - Hayley Williams

Written in the Sky

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.  

Maybe that's why the sky is filled with clouds....and written in their forms are the words that speak to our souls.  

I'll never forget the message I saw in the clouds tonight....silver lined and all.  

Oh baby, I feel the love...and so I share it with you! 

"God writes the gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars."   

                                       ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Martin Luther

Undone

Undone is okay. 

Currently in my house...

Clean laundry is unfolded.
Dirty clothes are unwashed.
Dinner is unplanned.
Rooms are unorganized.
Beds are unmade.
Thoughts are unfinished.
Messages are unsent.
Words are unspoken.

However....

My washer is in constant use.
My kids are constantly eating.
Clothes, toys, and you name it are constantly migrating from room to room.
Pillows are constantly crashed upon each night.
My mind is in constant motion.
Noise is constantly heard.
People are constantly thought about.

Basically, each day is a constant reminder that we are all unfinished...undone.  There is always something more to do.  I was joking with a friend yesterday that if I do happen to ever have all the laundry in the house finished, no one is going to be allowed to wear anything....at least for that day.  Her idea was to have disposable clothes for kids. 

When I was a teacher, I thought about this a lot.  Every single day was the end result of hours of unnoticed preparation.   And, as each new day leads to another, there were always hours of unending planning to be done.   Actually, in my mind, the planning was never done until the moment happened.  Then, it was water under the bridge.....but the current kept moving.

Undone is a good thing. 

If life is an open book, we all hope there are many more pages....chapters even, right?  Pages that stand unwritten.  Ahead of each of us lays an undefined future.....days that are yet to be done.   The current of life is still flowing.  The important thing is to feel the current and let yourself move with it. 

We don't even always realize what we are doing....or all that is left to be done.  And sometimes, thinking of all that is yet to be done halts our current doing.  The point is that at any given moment, we are always doing something....even if that something is nothing.  Every spot in time holds a word on a page in the book called life. 

The challenge is to make life happen instead of letting life happen.  As life goes on, words will fill our pages.  Good words, bad words, busy words, empty words.  Life will happen whether we like it or not.  We will all leave a story. 

Life is real, and the current is sometimes strong.  Sometimes the words on our pages are intentionally written...meticulously planned.  Other times, they're written like chicken scratch smeared across the page.  But they're always there. 

The current will leave us behind if we watch from the shore.  Yet, if we jump in and completely lose control, we will be sucked under that strong current.  Effortlessly floating through on a raft is easy, but the current will never touch us....never giving strength to the words on our pages.  It's when we unite with the current, accepting it's energy, letting it increase our motion that the words on our pages will have the most impact. 

As a mother, I hope my pages are filled with wisdom for my children.  As a wife, I hope my pages are filled with love for my husband.  As a friend, I hope my pages are filled with kindness and support. As a stranger, I hope my words are universally translated. 

I am undone.....but the current is moving. 

                        "Writing is the best way to talk without being interrupted."
                                                           -Jules Renard

Mental Mastitis and Constipated Brain

I have never had so much on my mind with nothing at all to say.  
I want to write, but nothing comes out.  

So, I RE-LAX....and hopefully that will get things moving....yes, pun intended.  Ha!
Let me tell you where I am.  

I've had the desire to take a trip for a while.  I mean a big get-on-a-plane-and-go-to-a-far-away-place kind of trip.  A place away from home.  Away from routine.  Away from responsibility.  Away from my swirling thoughts.  But then I realized I can't get away from myself.  And unless I face myself, no one is going to like being around me.  So, the first place I must go away is to a place all by myself.  When a close friend of mine did just that, it was what pushed me over the fence and bite the bullet. 

I couldn't drive fast enough on my way to the hotel....my mind was racing just as fast as my car.  I arrived at my hotel knowing that I was going to stay for two....maybe three nights.  Not liking endings, I wanted to keep it open-ended.  I didn't know what I was going to do, but I knew my options.  Sometimes having options is overwhelming when all you really want to do is nothing.  I was very accepting of the fact that nothing was most definitely one of my options.  

Having never stayed at this resort (and yes, I say resort because of the $20 daily "resort fee" that was apologetically added to my bill at checkout defining it as such), the first thing I did was get acquainted with the facility and mentally explore my options.  

I took a tour of the spa, meandered through the gift shop, peeked in at the fitness center, strolled through the fountain gardens, walked past the rock climbing wall, fire pit and then down the boardwalk that lead to the marina.  

From my balcony, I inspected the jogging paths and local shopping options.  Then, I made a mental list of "yes things" and "no things".  Unfortunately, the only two things on my "no" list were the lazy river (because it was closed this weekend), and the fitness center, a no-brainer for me.  I like when decisions are easy. 

But my mind was satisfied, and from that point on, I just let each moment happen as it came.  

The next morning, I woke up at the same time that my kids usually pounce on me at home.  Except at home, I want to pull the sheets up over my head and roll over (which I usually in fact, do).  This time, in a hotel room all by myself, I couldn't fall back asleep if I tried.  I watched the rest of the sunrise from my balcony facing east, ate a quiet breakfast and packed my bag for a trip to the resort's private island.  I knew I was going there to write....and possibly read....but mostly write.  This RE-LAX was beginning to work.  

This is where it all really began.  For me, it was on a private island away from everyone.  I was in my bathing suit, but not there for a swim.  I never even touched the water.  Oh, but the waters touched me.  It was a mental waterfall....diarrhea of the hand....everything that had been stopped up began to flow.  My mental mastitis was letting itself down.  Every time I would stop writing, I needed to get up and walk around.  But then, like having an indigestion cramp that leaves you running back to the bathroom, more thoughts would start flowing and I'd have to literally run back to my notebook and try to keep up with it as it was pouring out.  Lessons learned:   

1.  Take a RE-LAX more frequently so that you are not in pain trying to keep up with the drainage.

2.  When you take the full dose of RE-LAX (private island at a resort), stay close to the toilet.... 

From this point on, I am going to attempt to take smaller doses of this RE-LAX on more of a daily routine in order to keep myself....ahem...regular.  Sorry.  I have toddlers.  This is where my mind is.  So, a private island is nice, but I'm realizing that half an hour in my closet each day might work just as well. 

I was so moved by the words in my notebook that afternoon that I want to share some of them with you.  However, I share this knowing that not everyone will agree....and I love that.  I am not offended in the least by disagreement.  You are entitled to think whatever you want to think.  By sharing this with you,  I am in no way trying to persuade you of one thing or another.  I am just doing what I do best....sharing a piece of my heart with you.

A lot of times I'm so silent because what I like to do most is listen.  I have accepting ears. Your words challenge my faith....and challenge is a healthy thing.  But, I do have a voice....a voice that runs through my mind so constantly, it won't even stop when I wish it would.  My voice comes out best in my writing.  Sometimes I can't even really hear myself until I read what I've written.  That is the biggest reason that I write....to understand myself.

When I wrote that day on the island, the voice was first person....but it's not from my point of view.  I would like to think that it's God talking to me...or to you...but I do not claim to be prophetic.  I can tell you that it is straight from my heart.  And my heart is an overflowing fountain of love...and God is love...so I am certain that even though the words may be my own, in some way the message is connected to God.  However, I do not want to come across declaring that it is because that I can not know for sure.  

Here are the words...I tremble as I type.  Taking my heart and putting it out on the line is far scarier than writing it in a notebook for my eyes alone.  Please know this is not easy for me. 

You are an instrument.  

Of music.  

Of words.  

To be used to bring beauty and love to those who hear you.  

It's okay.  You are perfectly tuned.  

You weren't always, but now you are.  

You are also one part of a a large orchestra.  

I have chosen you.  

I have given you a seat next to others I have chosen, too.  

That is why you love them.  

You are in complete harmony with them-

even though your instruments and sound are different.  

It's me that is giving you both your sound.  

You are so beautiful to others.  

They are attracted to you, but not for your instrument- that is the external.  

For your sound.  

That's me in you.  

I have created my children to love my sound.  

They have heard it in the womb. 

Music is an energy.  

It changes molecules.  It can heal.  

I am not the only music.  

  You know my music because I have called you my instrument.  

I play each instrument differently.  

Don't worry.  
Just listen to the music and dance.  

My music will resonate within you and make you want to dance.  

But as long as I am in you- you are my instrument, 

and you will find harmony with my other instruments.  

Together your music will bring change.  

Harmony changes.  

Solos give a message.  

You alone have a different song than in combination with others-

 and it's all good.  

Music can't be seen.  

Music is heard.  

Music is written.  

People will judge you because you are the instrument- 

and they all have preferences and opinions about instruments.  

They won't judge you for your sound.  

The sound is separated from the instrument once it's made.  

 Your music will be heard in people's hearts.  

They may tell you what they hear.  They may not.  

Don't stop.  

Music also has a rhythm.  

Rhythm can change without changing the harmony.  

Rhythm adds diversity and growth opportunity.  

When you feel in harmony with someone, but out of step, I am creating more opportunity.  Only those who are open minded will accept rhythm changes, learn them, and grow.  

You crave rhythm changes.  

That's why I have so much opportunity for you.  

Your music - especially in harmony with others - will bring huge change to the world.  

 You are made for this.  

 

That island was my desert.  

My thirst was unquenchable.  

My thoughts were unstoppable.  

And I have never felt so undone. 

xo.