busy b

just sending out a quick note to say, yes! i'm alive and well!

things have been a bit crazy around here, and i've had near complete posts swirling around in my head, but not the time to sit and unfold my abstract thoughts and transform them written words.  it leaves me with a feeling like i've skipped out on appointments with my shrink though, as writing is my best therapy.  forward i trudge.

here instead, is a list of the thoughts and happenings of my last couple weeks, just to give you something for your mind to chew on until i can compose more.

i finished my 30 day running challenge.  29 of those days, i hit the pavement with my feet, and one of those days i hit it with my hand because my feet just didn't have any punch left.  but the experience left me more motivated to run because instead of a chore, it's now an enjoyable escape. 

the late night runs in the rain were my favorite.  as i watched the rain softly falling in the beam of light shining from the streetlights, it reminded me of watching a night snowfall when i lived up north.  it was the best of both worlds, the sight of the peacefully falling precipitation with the warmth of the subtropical climate we now live in.  bliss.

as a result of those 30 days, my personal running goals have been stretched.  although you will never see me in an organized race, i have now surpassed my expectations of running a 5k, and am now pushing to reach a 10k.  that's kind of a big deal to me.  remember, i'm not a runner, nor do i like to sweat.  but with the help of my new running shoes, complete with funky colored laces and a magic little gps chip, running is fun.  i can track my circuit, see my pace, and get verbal congratulations everytime i meet a new goal.  things like that were made for people like me....and i'm hooked.

i had a birthday.  and it happened to be the same day my husband left town for a business trip for three days.  before he left, he gave me a card and a pack of gummy bears.  based on his excitement, i thought that was it.  not that i need more, or would expect it, but like the scene from father of the bride where annie got upset when brian gave her a blender, those gummy bears tripped my switch.  i held it in for a good two days, then it surfaced.  i would have rather gotten nothing at all.  i felt stupid for seeming like the wife who expected more, but leaving on my birthday and giving me of all things, gummy bears, stuck a bad note with me.  i don't even like that it did.  but it did.  so, after thinking that my husband brushed off my birthday, and complaining a little bit more than i should about it, i REALLY felt stupid when come to find out, all along he had been planing a surprise party for me upon his return.  foot in mouth.  note to surprise party planners, though:  when planning a surprise, do so before the birthday as to avoid the neglected feelings that uncontrollably stir when the birthday passes and the celebrant feels forgotten.  and please don't give me gummy bears. 

speaking of celebrating, boy have we been celebrating.  fourth of july, 11 year wedding anniversary, and, did i mention fourth of july?  in one (somewhat extended) weekend, we:  enjoyed a two day getaway to a not so far island- filling our bucket with shells and our tummys with food, watching dolphins and taking long walks on the beach hand in hand with my three year old son; had lunch with friends that are more like family; hopped to another island where we once again buried our toes in the sand with friends, and then cozied up under a leaky thatched roof to weather out a rainstorm; stood as a sweaty spectator for the annual naples fourth of july parade- waving our red white and blue regardless; and topped it all off with a picnic on the beach with friends while waiting for the sun to set and the sky to be filled with the spectacular blasts that traditionally celebrate our country's birthday.  it was a great weekend.  the kids limits got stretched, our minds got unwound, and we even caught up on some sleep. 

so, i guess i needed the therapy after all.  my intentions for creating a list quickly became an improv of the fingers as they danced across the keyboard.  this came out raw, un-edited, and unplanned.   that's how i like to live life these days, so i'm going to leave it just as it is.  any mistakes are finder's keepers. 

i'll leave you with the euphoria of our recent weekend, and the excitement for what's brewing in the future.  happy summer!

 

"To 

live 

is 

so 

startling 

it 

leaves 

little 

time 

for 

anything 

else."

-Emily Dickinson

fry day

there's still four more days until summer officially begins, but things around here are not slacking in their sizzle.  i do mean that metaphorically as well as literally.  

we live in florida, and south florida at that- a mere smidge above the steamy swampy everglades.  i'm talking about a land of full body soaking humidity come june and the three months thereafter.  we floridians view it as the comparable alternative to northern winters:  most days are spent inside with windows closed, and we make mad dashes to our cars only to frantically crank the circulation of the preferred temperature from the air vents.  and it's only the applicable state of H2O that has the capability to draw us outside to play.  the simple difference is that we summer floridians can brave our elements without spending a half an hour putting on extra layers of clothes, just extra layers of SPF.  never-the-less, the sizzle of summer has already arrived.  

so in the heat of our current moments, we are flaring up our schedules with the fun that goes hand in hand with summer:  poolside barbecues where the sound of the kids' laughter is most likely heard several blocks away, lazy afternoons at the beach where the biggest decision is whether to leave before or after the sun sets over the gulf waters, post dinner escapades because there's still another few hours until dark, impromptu sleepovers, and the list goes on.  

i am indeed enjoying my summer already.....one sweet sip at a time.  photo by kelle hampton.

 

 

 

 

   

yet, amidst all these festivities, i rarely fail to notice the little things, the little sparks that pull me through these toddler years. i'm talking about the things that i absolutely have to write down because even though at the moment i swear i'll never forget, i know i will.  things like, when coming across a new display of peach and mango lemonade at the grocery store, my three year old son spontaneously lifts his left leg to the side, bends his torso and tucks in his elbows then begins hopping around on his right leg, all the while chanting a celebratory tune.  the resulting performance sent me bursting into laughter because it was most definitely the closest thing to a human counterpart of a peeing dog stance.  i could have very well become completely mortified and obligated to encourage him to tone it down just a little (because let's face it, this is naples), but i chose to relish the moment and i'm so glad i did.  or, like when my dangerously close to being potty trained two year old daughter flashes through the house wearing only a hat and a cape, and my son yells, "super nudie" then joins in.  yea, these are the things i'm talking about.  

but here's the thing that has stuck with me this week above all else.  we are currently in the dirty depths of buying a car and as any well minded consumer does, we have clocked hours researching every possible car that would suit our needs by scouring safety reports and car specs.  and above everything else, this little phrase has stuck to my mind like glue...firstly because i find it hilarious, but secondly because the more i thought about it, it precisely defines a gift that we are given.  

in the chart that lists the convenience items that the car has to offer, the first item listed....i kid you not...was "driver seat included." seriously?  they really had to point that one out?  and, they consider that a convenience?  what are we supposed to do, kneel at the wheel?  or maybe that's the designated commission of the previously mentioned dog pee dance?   

but in a different light, yes, it is a position of distinction that is, in fact a convenience which we all dreamed of when we were kids and had little say in the matter...a full circle from the feeling we had when we were told "no" and we swore we couldn't wait to grow up and be able to do things how we wanted.  being in the driver's seat is not only bestowed to anyone who finds themselves in a parental role, even if it's only to a pet fish, but it's an intangible certificate earned upon turning eighteen.  

you are absolutely, positively, without a doubt in the driver's seat of your life.  a convenience?  yes.  because you no longer have to wait for the permission of someone else in order to live your life.  if there's a job you want, go after it.  pick up the phone.  show up at the office.  give them a firm handshake implying that what you have is what they need.  if there's a beloved relationship on the rocks, be the one to build a bridge to more secure ground.  if you're wandering around in the wilderness waiting for a flashing sign to drop down from the sky telling you the way to guaranteed success, open your eyes and floor it to the nearest open door at top speed, because that flashing sign stuff is back seat thinking, baby.  and just like in vegas, flashing signs appear the brightest at night...in our minds....that's where dreams are formed.  but when the break of day hits, it's up to you to remember the feeling of the glam and put the pedal to the metal because you won't get anywhere unless you start by going somewhere.  that, my friend, is the convenience of having a driver's seat.    

"If everything comes your way, 

you are in the wrong lane." 

~Author Unknown

a simple experiment

june has spurred a 30 day challenge:  run every day.  for anyone who knows me, this was not my idea.  i am not an athlete, i don't like to exercise and i hardly can ever do the same thing for 3 days straight, much less 30.  so, a challenge it is indeed.  

now don't go thinking i'll come out of this ready for my first marathon...or even a fun 5k, because i rest firmly on my idiosyncrasy that i absolutely, positively, hands down DO NOT like to be seen when i run.  i really don't know why.  it's just a thing. which is why i have been enjoying most of my daily jaunts post sunset.  it's like i have the liberty to listen to my own self and do what i feel is within me instead of pushing it a little too hard because i don't want the person driving past me in the car to see me stop.  it also allows me to shed the mom mask that i harness all day and unleash the suppressed dancer within; for i have secretly enjoyed busting out a running leap with an exuberant punch to the moonlit sky, spontaneously inspired by an interjection of a timely ooooh! in a classic michael jackson jingle.  but, even when i am running at my own pace, creating my own stride, i have discovered a pattern that unfortunately also applies to other things in my life.  it's about the finish line.  

i don't like to finish books.  i hardly stay awake long enough to see the final credits of a movie.  my house is mostly clean...except for the last few things in a pile that need to be put away.  i don't know why, but i do not like endings.  endings either leave me forlorn about the approaching finish and therefore longing for more, or they give me a false sense of weariness merely because the job is almost done and therefore i must feel like i'm tired.  for example, when i run the loop in my neighborhood, it is 2.8 miles.  not quite a 5k, so i'm comfortable with that.  it's still a stretch for me, and i begin my habitual huff and puff just as the final street light comes in view.  it's that last 20 yards that kill me.  so, i decided to test my theory.  

the last time i ran, i trekked down and back every single cul-de-sac on my loop, adding what i thought might be a half a mile.  my prediction was that my huffing and puffing would come premature to seeing that final street light, and that i would have to walk the last half mile, say, because my body can handle 2.8 miles and that's it.  well, i got lost in my music, and only remembered that i needed to start huffing and puffing when my triggering street light came into view.  isn't that stupid?  it's not a distance thing.  it's a mental thing.  to validate my observation, i tracked my distance when i got home and found out i had just cranked out four whole miles like it was nothing.  well, i sure showed that street light!  


so, my conclusion is that when i know the finish line is approaching, i automatically pull back.  sometimes it's because i don't want the adventure to end, and sometimes it's because surely my valiant efforts leave me obligated to feel overwhelmed with exhaustion.  this applies a vast span of operations in my life as well, from a simple entity such as laundry to as complex of a phenomenon such as planning for my future.  could it be a fear that when the comfort of my current, cozy and familiar motion comes to an end, i will ultimately have to face a new challenge?  don't be confused, though, i'm crazy about new beginnings, and am always ready for the start of a new adventure, but for whatever reason, when a green light in my life begins to take on an amber glow, i have no problem coming to a complete stop.  

"you have a choice. you can throw in the towel, or you can use it to wipe the sweat off of your face."  -gatorade

houston, we have planted

today, i come with two surprises.  first, i have pictures of our inaugural family project, and second, i have pictures!  i'm talking up to date, hot off the press pictures.  that means i found a little free spot on my nearly full computer in which to upload them, and then figured out how to incorporate them into a post.  the family project took four hours, and uploading and finding my pictures to post took almost that long.  be amazed.  

so, our project was more fun than a barrel of monkeys....or a whole barrel of monkeys showed up to help us.  either and both are applicable.  hands and feet were emerging from every possible angle wanting to get in on the digging action, or the planting action, or the whatever-it-was-at-the-moment action.   we didn't really know what to expect with our premiere gardening attempt, and that played to our advantage because we simply let the anticipation of the final project lead us on.  

we dug up old stubborn roots, planted new delicate roots, mulched and watered.  it was a project i'd repeat over and over again!    

"Many things grow in the garden that were never planted there." 

-Thomas Fuller, 1732

growing our roots deep

i have held off doing anything closely related to permanence around this house for nearly three and a half years.  no nails in the walls, holes in the ground, or fancy fabrics adorning the windows.  mostly because at first, we didn't know if we were going to stay here long-term, and i didn't want to make parting any bit harder.  but having two babies in that spread helped me hold off the urge, too.  i've been preoccupied with diaper changes, mushing up fruits and vegetables and freezing them in little glass jars, establishing bedtime routines, choosing the right sippy cups and baby forks, and all at the same time watching the height of the marker lines on the growth chart swell higher and higher.  

well, things are beginning to change.  we're sinking our roots deep into this house and staying for the long haul.  we like it here and are excited to know that if we have anything to do with it, this is our "forever house".  it is also becoming evident to me that instead of having two little ones that require my constant help, i am blessed to have two little ones constantly begging to help.  thus, the beginning of the project years.  

this marks the time where we hem and haw here and there, slowly making this house our own custom dwelling place....a place where memories are found in the paint on the walls, and with one look around, our minds will be full with the sights and sounds of the family projects that it took to make this home ours.  for eight years, i've waited for a "project" house, and now we wake up in it every morning. i'm ready to roll up my sleeves and get started.

privately, in my mind, i marked the beginning of this era....holy cow, hold on - a milestone just made it's mark. i must stop and explain...

.....currently, it's naptime and the house is quiet.  our oldest, age three, is at the brink of keeping his diaper dry at night, as you know.  in our discussions together about that very matter, i have told him that if he has to go potty, he can get out of bed and walk to the bathroom, do his business, then quietly walk back to his room, get back in bed and go back to sleep.  you must know, that true to his firstborn nature, he is extremely obedient, and has never ever gotten out of bed unless instructed he could do so.  this is a huge deal.  he didn't even peek around the corner to see what i was doing, or shoot me a non-verbal question as to whether it's time to get up yet or not.  i am a firstborn, and i totally pulled that stunt when i was little.  it got me in trouble every time.  so, i am a bit flustered by the nostalgia of this event and am now way off that sweet wave of words that i was previously riding. 

focus, beck.  you can hug and high five him when he wakes up and you'll do so a lot more energetically if you've completed your thoughts in this post first. 

....right.  so in my mind, the beginning of the rest of our memories here in this home was marked by the family style picnic we had on our front lawn for the kids' recent birthdays.  i saw an event of that proportion the minute we drove up to the house for the very first time, sitting in the back seat of our realtor's car.  and on the day of the event, i found myself celebrating because i knew it was happening.  just like i had envisioned it.  that day in the back of our realtor's car, i was only six months pregnant with our first baby, so i didn't know the exact context of that event.  but i could see friends and families and laughter and food.  and standing in the middle of exactly that, i knew.  and i know that was only the first of many fun times we will share with those we love on our front lawn. really, those intangible memories began the moment we brought the first box into the house.  but that one in particular solidified itself into reality from the envisioned form where it previously resided only in my mind.  for previous to that party, i was hesitant to even host such an ordeal in our home, because the thought of leaving it behind if we ever did have to move was something i wasn't ready to digest. 

and now, i'm proud to announce the first of another kind of memory...our first family project...a first mark of improvement that is right in front of us to see.  tomorrow, we will be planting palm trees and flowers in the sadly barren planters inside our pool cage that we have been staring at for just long enough.  it was an impromptu project, but those are the best because the results are always pleasant surprises rather than way too contemplated with expectations impossible to meet.  we trekked to lowe's and had fun pondering over the colors of the 88 cent potted flowers we would plant.  would a hot pink or a soft sweet hue be best to look at while splashing in the shallow end of the pool?  and, you just know we had to throw some orange in there...our son would make sure of it.  then we had to consider the height of the mature plant...did we want a low ground cover to give an open and airy feel, or a knee high bushy bunch of multicolored blooms?  well, i can't tell you that we knew all the answers to those questions when we were piling the trays of baby plants into our trunk,  but we did know that we got a little bit of a lot of different kinds and we are sure this will be the prettiest flower bed we've ever seen.  

tomorrow is planting day.  our roots will uncurl themselves and reach down yet a little bit further into the soil that we happily call home. 

steady pace

so, slow but steady is ok, right? that might just be the pace at which i embrace blogging. hang it there, it could get good.

steady is a good word for my place in life right now. i have steady friendships, a steady love for my husband, steady chaotic bursts of squeals from my toddlers, steady loads of laundry to be washed, or folded, or put away, steady playdates with amazing moms, steady caffeine flow to get me going every morning, steady pile of missed calls to return and emails needing a reply, a steady ding ding from my phone implying a new text, and a steady amount of unmentionable reasons to use babywipes around here. life is good. it's fast paced and always moving, but good. i have arrived at the concept that i might miss these days.

there's nothing in my days that a mellow glass of red wine can't resolve. there's just enough good to make me excited to wake every morning, and there's just enough activity to make me collide with my pillow each night in a most appreciative way.

i'm loving the big picture, and yet finding joy in the little things. today my three year old son asked my two year old daughter to say a prayer for him so that he feels better. and she did. she prayed the only prayer she has memorized by heart, "dear God, help me go night night, amen," but she prayed it with all her might. my non-leafy green eating family devoured every single bit of the kale chips i made for dinner tonight. lollipops are big deals still. and my son is on a mission to make it through the night with two challenges: 1. sleeping without his binky, and 2. keeping his diaper dry. i love that it's his passion to conquer these feats. he will surely experience the sweetest victory when it happens. start practicing your happy dance now!

see, the little things are what we see each day, but the big picture says we are healthy, happy and loved. mix in a healthy dose of daunting chores and difficult tasks, and that's what we call life in this household.

Testing 1, 2, 3

Hello? Anyone there? Testing, 1..2..3.

Motherhood. Parenting. Marriage. Growing. Learning. Seeking. These are the big ones.

Laundry. Sticky fingers. Dirty dishes. Dinner ideas. Grocery shopping. Bedtime stories. Dirty diapers. These are the ones under the microscope...the in your face every day, clouding your brain constantly...the ones you can't live with and miss when you find yourself without.

How can a mom manage it all? Are we alone in a bubble of a world where we long for sentences that are sparked by more than the word "why"? Are there really others out there that feel exactly like we do?

Yes. The answer all around is yes. Yes, this is tough. Yes, we feel a million miles away from all civilization. But most importantly, yes, there are lots of us going through the same thing. I find my sanity is listening to the stories of others, and putting my own thoughts in print because for some strange reason, I can appreciate them more when they are no longer swirling around at light speed in my mind, but in print right before my eyes. Maybe it's a distance thing...taking the thought from my mind and putting it in a physical form for my eyes to grasp a glimpse of. But isn't there more humor in situations that you don't find yourself smack in the middle of? So begins my blogging journey.

I can't promise a post every day. I'm not an exceptional photographer. I'm way more creative in my dreams than in my actions. I'm a straight shooter, right from the heart. This blog is just as much for you as it is for me. I'll write to clear my mind, as well as document my days. Read it. Laugh. Relate...and reply. Tell me what your day is like. What did your little one say today that just made you laugh. Join me. We are all in this together.

Ready....GO!