organically thinking

caution: mind cleaning isn't as easy as house cleaning.  progress isn't as easily noticed and the amount of clutter that still needs tending to lurks out of sight until it spontaneously catapults itself front and center, usually at the most inopportune time.  however, the results of mind cleaning are exponentially longer lasting than mopping floors....and that sounds like a good deal to me!

over the past two weeks, i've experienced multiple episodes of spotlight thoughts presenting themselves in the midst of a busy day, temporarily blinding my mind.  when these thoughts surface, they need attention.  captive attention.  they beg for audience participation.  sometimes these thoughts won't even reveal their identity until you give them enough of your time.  they are feisty little buggers...expecting a bit of a chase before they'll let you come to terms with what they're saying.  

and so, i let go.

letting go allows growth to happen.  i let go of preconceived notions.  i let go of expectations.  i let go of being judged or misinterpreted.  i open my mind and take in the new things life presents everyday.  if your roots are firmly planted, then the leaves of your mind will only grow within the nature of what they're being fed. 

after my mental housekeeping, my mind is clearer than ever before.  and you know what?  when your mind is clear, you can take in so much more.  i'm not kidding when tell you that i can even smell more vividly now.  it's unreal.  i can handle more without being bogged down.  every experience is more meaningful and an opportunity to grow. 

in the tenderness of the clear mind that i now have, i have adopted an organic way of thinking.  just like eating organically, it's a matter of being able to experience life more fully while continually removing toxins or anything that would stunt my growth or kill the vibrant thoughts in my mind.  it's not a matter of sheltering myself....quite the opposite, actually....its a way to experience more with the ability to decide what takes residence in my mind.  we live in a real world.  it's not organic....or even really clean, for that matter.  but it's real.  and never to i want to separate myself from reality.  ok, maybe i'd LIKE to, but i'll leave that for my daydreams. 

thinking organically is the ability to take in a little shit without getting covered in mud.  and because there are no growth hormones, pesticides or fertilizers, it requires a bit more tending to.  you can't be afraid to get into the depths of your thoughts to do a little gardening.  some days you'll need to prune away overgrown thoughts, some days you'll need to add more nutrients to institute new growth, and other days, it's just about smelling the flowers.  organically minded people know their mental gardens well.

i've never been happier.....or more in tune with my children, my husband or the world around me.   i am living in the present moment, and yet preparing the soil for exciting things yet to grow.  

i smile a lot easier.  

i love a lot deeper.  

and my feet can barely touch the ground!  

“The world has genetically modified opinions, but mine are organic. 

Taste them and you will see.
”
― Jarod Kintz

unfolding

i don't have the energy for capital letters tonight.  

the picture for this post is left for you to draw.

recently, i've been internally captivated.  mentally housecleaning, so to speak.  if spring is for opening the windows and cleaning the house, then fall is for opening your mind and cleaning out the mess.  it's a natural preparation for settling into warm cozy thoughts for the winter.  

and for me, it's shed light on what will soon become a familiar soft glow.  but right now, it's shining in my eyes and somewhat temporarily blinding me.  i'm captivated, and consumed.  i'm more present to my thoughts than ever before, yet so strangely distant from who i really am.  i'm searching, but i already know the answer.  

the thoughts in my mind are wrestling back and forth.  one day completed thoughts are pinned down, and then the next day, they're walking around again.  finding permanence and conclusions with wrestling thoughts is nearly impossible.  

but it's the process of wrestling that is the labor for the birth of new beginnings.  it's like new leaves unfolding in the early warmth of the spring sunlight.  it's a struggle between holding tight and letting go.  holding tight, though it requires a mighty strength, is often easier than letting go because knowing that you're capable of surviving in a tender state of newness is completely frightening.  

you see, growth is not an all or nothing thing.  it's a gradual process that starts with nothing and ends with everything, but happens one step at a time.  and unless it is touched by opposition, it never stops in the middle.  and eternal growth can never be stopped by opposition, only delayed. 

the tenderness of new growth needs to be handled delicately

words that once soothed, now leave bold impressions.

be gentle.

let new growth breathe-

to soak in the light

and the rain

and strengthen.

newness in any form is vulnerable;

handle it with care.

with growth comes pain-

boundaries are pushed outward,

depths become deeper,

everything stretches.

growth can not be planned,

or fully controlled-

it must unfold on it's own.

let go completely

don't hold back.

if something is growing,

don't worry,

it means it's being properly fed.

growth is good.

when you are growing, you feel it

but others see it.

listen to it.

learn from it.

then let go.

and enjoy the fragrance of the fully unfolded bloom.  

 

 

Time for Tea

Is it me or does the calendar have a downward slope.....with the steepest decline between the months of September to December?  

It's true, the older you get, the faster time flies.  And I definitely think that's true for calendar years as well.  September, October, November and December fly by almost as fast as the entire month of January.  

In my opinion, each year seems to take about three months to get acquainted....a gentle nice to meet ya, so to speak.  The weather is at it's coldest, we are comfortable with routine and refreshed from the time off for the holidays.  

Then comes spring.  And we all take time to stop and smell the flowers and enjoy the newness of life.  We notice the birds singing louder and the flowers blooming brighter.   And the increased warmth of the sun is eagerly welcomed.  

The heat of summer naturally slows us down to a darn near halt!  We sit longer.  And put more ice cubes in our drinks.  Routines are called off and more time is spent with friends.  And then boom! the sound of the Fourth of July fireworks is really the starting gun for that calendar to start tipping.  The rest of the summer slides past no matter how hard we try to grip each day.  

Ready or not, the calendar tilts and dumps us on the fast track to December.  

Back to school, arrival of Fall and high hopes of cooler weather, Halloween, Thanksgiving and then Christmas!  Woah!!  Our minds begin to whirl.  Our weekends are booked.  And on top of it all, we are somehow trying to decide what to put on the kids for a Halloween costume, who's cooking the Thanksgiving turkey, just how we're going to decorate our homes for Christmas, what gifts are going to who this year, where we'll spend Christmas morning, and how there will be enough days in the week, much less hours in the day to accomplish it all. 

They say if you want something done, ask a busy person to do it.  I guess that's how we manage to get so much done in that last quarter of the year.  

So, here I sit, barely remembering what day it is, much less what month it is, when the daunting reality hits me that the calendar just changed to October!  A few weeks ago, I was writing the date on a form, and the lady next to me was appalled that I had written 16, because clearly the date was already the 19th!  What rock do I live under? 

Well, no matter what keeps in the slow lane on the highway of life, I like it here.  My neighbors know to call if the world is ending, or a hurricane's coming.  The sky gets dark each night so I remember to sleep.  And my dog barks when he's hungry.  I'm good. 

Seriously, though. In the midst of all the hustle and bustle, I set my priority high to take time out for tea.  Just to sit long enough to drink it before it gets cold balances the temptation to catapult my mind into a psychotic type of warp speed thinking.  And when my mind is balanced, my life seems less likely to tip.  

In that time set by the heat of the tea,  my world realigns.  Sometimes I write, sometimes I read Scriptures, sometimes I have a chat, sometimes I send out thoughts from my heart in emails to friends and family, sometimes I just sit still and stare into space and sometimes I just browse the things online that I have been meaning to look up.  But every time is time well spent. 

"Drink your tea slowly and reverently, 

as if it is the axis on which the world earth revolves - 

slowly, evenly, without rushing toward the future." 

 ~Thich Nat Hahn

Care for a cup of tea?

Love totally wins.

I am the farthest thing from a competitive person.  I usually don't even pay attention to who wins, much less who is competing. 

However, I do pay tribute to the belief that love totally wins.  For one, what enemy does love have?  And if there was such a thing, does it ever win? 

Regarding relationships..which face it, are at the core of all things in life...all other attempts outside of love will eventually fail.  

For example...

If you're living up a time of great success in your life, you may get initial celebrations, but most people will end up resenting you because you're actually doing something that they have only wished they had done.  The people who stand by you and believe that even this great success is just the beginning of what you will accomplish, really love you.

If you're going through a time of darkness in your life, you may initially be comforted and encouraged by your friends, but people will end up not calling you to hang out because who likes to be around a bump on a log?  The people who show up at your doorstep to cry with you, or go the extra mile to help you remember that this difficult time is real and it hurts, but it's not going to last forever.....the ones who will gently remind you that this time will most definitely build character, but it won't ever define you, really love you. 

If you're feeling unusually good about yourself, finding that you're fitting into clothes from the skinny days and happen to land upon a great hairdo, just like with the time of success, people will only tolerate it so much before they start not wanting to be around you because it only makes them feel worse about themselves.  The people who unselfishly don't compare, or make you drop and give 'em 20 after you've indulged the double chocolate molten souffle, really love you. 

And finally, if you've given up hope of ever fitting back into those skinny clothes which are now shoved deep into the depths of your closet, you don't know the last time you actually had a haircut, and something is making your skin break out, you're probably not feeling good about yourself and once again, no one wants to be around the downer.  The people who remind you that one's true beauty is on the inside, and for that you'll always be drop dead gorgeous, really love you. 

So, what.  You can't win.  Being good looking and successful won't bring relationship victory, and depression and dark times won't buy you company.  Yet, who wants to settle for mediocre?  Who wants to stay within the lines of success and failure, self worth and insecurity.  The truth is that we all go through bouts of success and valleys.  Sometimes we gain friends at the peaks, and lose friends at the bottom...or vice versa...but the relationships that will stand the test of time are the ones who operate from pure radiant love....well, most of the time, because hey, we are not all perfect and sometimes just feel like riding out a funk.

Love isn't easy, and it's not pain free. 

It's something that we all have inside of us.

It stands for what's right, not who's right.

The more pain that is felt, the deeper the capacity to love.

Love doesn't bash or blame.

Love gives even when it's hurt.

Love sees no boundaries- not race, nor region, nor age, nor religion.

Love craves love.

Love has no enemies.

Love can't be destroyed, because it will grow again.

Love gives even when it doesn't know the recipient.

Love is immeasurable, unending and absolute.

Love is in large groups and love is in a group of two.

Love can be goofy and love can be tough.

Love is uninhibited and free. 

Love is nothing short of fierce.  

Love doesn't strive to be perfect, it just strives to be.
Love is in the moment, but it lasts a lifetime.
Love doesn't need an invitation.
Love apmlifies in adversity, and grows stagnant in contentment. 

Love is the easiest thing you can ever let happen, 
but the hardest #%@^ thing you'll ever do. 

And the cool thing about love is that when you give love, it's easier to recognize love.  Because love is as love does, lovers attract lovers.  Look at the people closest to you in life.  Are they lovers?  

Love stands for falling.  It allows itself to let go, fall head over heals and hold nothing back, all the while expecting nothing in return.  Take a stand and show someone you love them today.  

"The course of true love never did run smooth."

 -William Shakespeare

Tell me what love means to you.  

xo.

 

falling

as an equinox baby, i'm well aware that fall doesn't officially begin until the 22st of this month, but i am already falling.  

at least in my mind.

i'm pretending it's already fall.  pretending the air is already crisp, the windows are open and the curtains are blowing in the breeze.  ok, so i don't have curtains...i'm pretending that part, too.  (but i totally have plans...and fabric...to make them...so that counts a little.)

when you pretend that it's already fall and that there's a chill in the air, the slightest cloud cover is enough inspiration to cook all day in the kitchen in order to make the most glorious batch of butternut crab soup you've ever made.    


i'm falling.

falling deeper in love with familiar people and things in my life and falling in brand spankin' new love with recently made friends and otherwise unfavorable things. 

developing within me is a deeper appreciation for home cooked simple meals...and the process it takes to achieve that.  i'm falling into the habit of grabbing any nearby writing utensil....be it a pen, a marker, a crayon or a keyboard.  my hands are on it and words are being written....words that are falling from my mind, practically.  

i'm falling deeper in love with the most loveliest people and family in my life...my husband, my children, my friends both five minutes away and five hours on a plane away.  if you are talking to me, texting me, or sending smoke signals my way....i'm listening like i've never listened before.  i'm falling in love with your words. 

speaking of words...i'm falling in love with the new music i'm finding on pandora....and even purchasing enough of it to make a darn good mixed cd for friends.  

and what's not to love about new love?  two nieces were born this week, and a nephew is on his way next month...my first nephew, that is.

that's some brand spankin' new love.  

next month, a sister joins the family when she marries my husband's brother.  new love.  and born through multiple layers of technology is a soul mate of mine in Australia....er, i mean 'Straya.  i've always known part of my heart was there.  always.  and now that  i've found it,  i'm falling into new depths of my heart.

as far as those unfavorable things?  yes.  i'm falling captive to the look of freshly folded towels....even if they're on the back of my sofa.  my kids have begun to excitedly offer their assistance in folding the laundry, and so a mundane chore falls into a fun morning activity by turning up the music, and turning off the cares.   

i'm falling in love with new things tucked in the grocery isles because my kids now express their opinions as to what goes in our shopping cart.  their opinions are like sweet music to my ears.  i'm falling in love with their minds. 

i'm also falling back in step with jogs around my neighborhood.  as one who doesn't like to exercise...much less sweat...each step made is a complete surrender to the fact that life after thirty...ahem...five...comes with a rapidly falling metabolism.  

i'm falling.  

i'm falling away from the person i used to be.  as layers of life build upon my skin, my seasoning is changing.  like a cast iron skillet, i've become weathered and some things don't stick as easily.  i don't get as hung up on the little things that used to irritate me, and at the same time,  my heart is spilling out more clairvoyantly than ever before.  i enjoy each moment, and don't worry about the next.... i'll find a way to enjoy that one, too.  

i'm falling more towards being the person i want to be rather that the person the world wants me to be....even if that involves some mix-matched outfits and cowboy boots.  


i'm falling. 

into a new chapter of life.....and loving the new freedom of this fall.  freedom to enjoy my daughter one on one for the first time in her three and a half years of life.  freedom to have a place for my words to fall when my mind gets full, and materials for which my hands to fall upon when my inner creativity awakens. 

and yes, of course i'm falling behind on my laundry, my to-do's and my house cleaning.  but when you let go, those things eventually fall in place, too.   

 “Sometimes it takes a good fall 

                                    to really know where you stand."           

                       - Hayley Williams

Written in the Sky

They say a picture is worth a thousand words.  

Maybe that's why the sky is filled with clouds....and written in their forms are the words that speak to our souls.  

I'll never forget the message I saw in the clouds tonight....silver lined and all.  

Oh baby, I feel the love...and so I share it with you! 

"God writes the gospel not in the Bible alone, but also on trees, and in the flowers and clouds and stars."   

                                       ~Author unknown, commonly attributed to Martin Luther

Undone

Undone is okay. 

Currently in my house...

Clean laundry is unfolded.
Dirty clothes are unwashed.
Dinner is unplanned.
Rooms are unorganized.
Beds are unmade.
Thoughts are unfinished.
Messages are unsent.
Words are unspoken.

However....

My washer is in constant use.
My kids are constantly eating.
Clothes, toys, and you name it are constantly migrating from room to room.
Pillows are constantly crashed upon each night.
My mind is in constant motion.
Noise is constantly heard.
People are constantly thought about.

Basically, each day is a constant reminder that we are all unfinished...undone.  There is always something more to do.  I was joking with a friend yesterday that if I do happen to ever have all the laundry in the house finished, no one is going to be allowed to wear anything....at least for that day.  Her idea was to have disposable clothes for kids. 

When I was a teacher, I thought about this a lot.  Every single day was the end result of hours of unnoticed preparation.   And, as each new day leads to another, there were always hours of unending planning to be done.   Actually, in my mind, the planning was never done until the moment happened.  Then, it was water under the bridge.....but the current kept moving.

Undone is a good thing. 

If life is an open book, we all hope there are many more pages....chapters even, right?  Pages that stand unwritten.  Ahead of each of us lays an undefined future.....days that are yet to be done.   The current of life is still flowing.  The important thing is to feel the current and let yourself move with it. 

We don't even always realize what we are doing....or all that is left to be done.  And sometimes, thinking of all that is yet to be done halts our current doing.  The point is that at any given moment, we are always doing something....even if that something is nothing.  Every spot in time holds a word on a page in the book called life. 

The challenge is to make life happen instead of letting life happen.  As life goes on, words will fill our pages.  Good words, bad words, busy words, empty words.  Life will happen whether we like it or not.  We will all leave a story. 

Life is real, and the current is sometimes strong.  Sometimes the words on our pages are intentionally written...meticulously planned.  Other times, they're written like chicken scratch smeared across the page.  But they're always there. 

The current will leave us behind if we watch from the shore.  Yet, if we jump in and completely lose control, we will be sucked under that strong current.  Effortlessly floating through on a raft is easy, but the current will never touch us....never giving strength to the words on our pages.  It's when we unite with the current, accepting it's energy, letting it increase our motion that the words on our pages will have the most impact. 

As a mother, I hope my pages are filled with wisdom for my children.  As a wife, I hope my pages are filled with love for my husband.  As a friend, I hope my pages are filled with kindness and support. As a stranger, I hope my words are universally translated. 

I am undone.....but the current is moving. 

                        "Writing is the best way to talk without being interrupted."
                                                           -Jules Renard